My top ten list of Bedrockers at risk of gout this year:
1. Glenn 2. Fadass 3. Smashy 4. Me 5. Roberto 6. Sean 7. BedRob 8. Strudders 9. Naus 10. Wally
Stu, Jo reckons she's got another 4 or 5 years with me until my fucked lungs, heart or kidneys pack in on me. Or possibly a stroke that wont quite kill me off that leaves me in constant Pain.Then its off to the slum old peoples home where i'll sit in my own filth , talking to myself and still thinking its England in 1982. Much like I am today.
Too kind gents. The sycophantic Audience gets on my tits as well...sitting there like those THX-1138 thought control droids clapping to the beat of Lineker and co's tune.
What i wouldn't give for someone like the departed Alex higgins to walk up on stage , off his skate, headbutting a pansexual badminton player before breaking down in tears at the state of his marriage,not seeing his kids and a large tax bill from the HMRC.
Jo's nephew is making his own Gravy again this year..Last xmas it took him 2 hours to make the stuff while everyone pandered over him ( he's an actor ), so the dinner was fucking cold . The cunt put Rosemary in it . Rosemary!!
What do you think of Prince Charles' Radio 4 Thought For The Day ETC?
As an admittedly humorous but staunch frothing-at-the-mouth right-winger do you have an existential crisis if a royal says something directly contradictory to Farage's brownshirts?
Unusually for a cockney , im not a royalist .The royals have never played much of a role in my life in the east end, or me dealing with post code gangs, wife beaters and sex fiends in my daily job of work. I have humble backgrounds begat of East Ham Dave, of East Ham, Whose blood flows freely with Carlsberg export , jellied eels and the fumes of benson and hedges cancer sticks and thus i know my forelock tugging place , saving my scorn for the Progressive Credo of the Left and the simian excesses of the Right.
If charles fancies living above a paddy power in Plaistow for 3 months using the local services rather than commenting from a salmon farm in the Highlands munching on a dutchy biscuit i might cross the rubicon and see the royals in a different light. Unlikely it would seem.
In addition I got Blocked on twitter by the lead guitarist of new wave beat Combo 'Department S' yesterday.I wouldn't fucking mind, but he's my cousin..
just caught sight of Bono on BBC news 24 ,on an end of year montage ..
It is abundantly clear to me that his parents, (as the chosen birthing vessel of the Beast Of disobedience), worshipped degenerate idols, false deities and fucked each other senseless upon a catafalque within the parameters, and indeed confines , of a pentangle of untreated coarse salts and beating sheeps hearts.
possibly with a rooster headed god with a Welt like john bindon threaded through 6 half pint pots joining in.Probably.
Just back from the wine factor in North chingford High street.. purchased 2 crates of Lone star , 6 bottles of vodka, 1 whiskey, 2 Gin and 5 bottles of monkey Shoulder to cover the Christmas comedown period next week. On top of that The Brentwood Pikeys have dropped off 6 wraps of translucent Bogota Spice Melange.. £600 all in.
Honestly, if it wasn't for the kids I wouldn't fucking bother.
Lets us pray that Actor turned activist Michael Sheen can negate the Mantra of Far right populist Rhetoric on twitter today from those questioning the peaceful doctrines of islam in Berlin.
Perhaps a twitter tutorial on retaining ones deportment while walking around with a book on ones head while quoting Michel Foucault and how his credo pertains to Flo in east ham being a Sexual deviant for complaining about bengali flaming shit parcels through her fucking letterbox. He may well be able to assuage fears of the insidious 'Far right' men, women and children going to christmas markets in east london today, through the medium of a marcel marceau rope pulling mime or by slapping his upturned palms against an invisible window.
if a bloke who spent his formative years dressed in dorothy Perkins fishnet tights reciting passages from Martin Chuzzlewit cant gird our collective loins against the politics of hate than i dont know what will.
At least the BBC have finally moved on from their initial Narrative last night treating the Berlin 'Accident' In the same manner as a provincial radio station reporting on an upturned Milk Float on the A13 to Southend Hinterlands. No tweets as yet from Maria Eagle apportioning blame so we shouldn't jump to any conclusions , but i expect the guardian will end today with a Campaign to Award Bana Alabed the Nobel Peace Prize .
I'd rather sit on a Phallic Rocking chair impregnated with Bacterial Vaginosis than watch it. I percolate a burning magnesium fluorescent hatred for most of the presenters and the progressive vehicle it has become. if its possible to get a yeast infection of the anal tract, id rather have that then watch Lineker and clare balding dish out the elizabeth duke silver platter to some cunt from the hindu kush who runs the 800 meters in 4 hours on the account of being a moribund spaz. The epoch of the show has mutated from John Conteh getting a firm hand shake from Frank Bough dressed in his Carnaby street lord john velvet dinner suit , to john barrowman weeping for 40 minutes while we watch a montage of mekon headed children kicking a fucking ball about with David Beckham and idris elba.
If live to see a future where mankind procreates by rubbing our hind legs over a royal jelly compound to nourish our pupae, i'll never see a more cunting tv Programe than this.
also, when i was working at Lloyds in the 90's and noughties, all the lickspittle staff endlessly went on about going to the Gym, Marathon running , rehydrating , Bananas and the aesthetic design and shape of water bottles . A modus operandi that this poster has never subscribed to ..my lunchtimes were spent more fruitfully , wanking myself half to death in joyus union with the precious kibble, ultimately chucking my prolonged cockney muck over black and white photocopies of sexual intercourse between consenting men and women.
At 49 years old , 5ft 11, fifteen and a half stone with kib damaged heart ventricles, and who needs to take a breather when taking the top off a tuna tin , there's more chance of The Muscular Tour de Force Tim Farron, to be Cast as Frank Booth & Don Logan in 'Blue Velvet' & 'Sexy Beast' Sequels in 2017, Than me ever running a marathon.
All this 'mad friday' bollocks trending on twitter..an opportunity for left leaning twenty something graduates with a degree in Umayyad Dynasty Islamic Textile Studies and who currently work in the city filing bought ledger invoices (suppliers 'A' to 'E') for a venture capital conglomerate , get to showcase their Party Animal Credo at the office xmas party . i.e tossing off the ACCA qualified chief accountant's 3 inch Chode over the yule log once his finished singing 'Layla ' by the Derek and the cunting Dominoes on the cunting Karaoke .
this being the case, for GramLine Friday ive Cuckolded an 'Enry of Guatemalan Granola,Smashed the Granny out of 8 pints of Eggnog & had it on the Cobbles with a fukin' Elf.
Why does Gary Lineker the High sensei of the ridged crisp dojo and all round toby jug feel the need to infest the earth with his Virtuous comments on the Arena Politique in perpetuity ?... going on about Aleppo this morning?
IMO He should Stick to ghosting his memoirs to a drambuie soaked Hack, honking on about how he used to jack off the 3 degrees Cyrille Regis , Brendon Batson and Laurie Cunningham at half time into the cracked armitage shanks shitpan at Roker Park in 1984 at a charity match for starving Africans, with Bob Geldof , Duncan Norvelle And Ron Atkinson looking on taking copious notes.