2008- probation officer, taking bribes when i can , what i can, wherever i can.
1988-2006- chronic drug addict and alcoholic in the square mile.
diary of a reinsurance broker from brentwood
6am: unleash bowel movement , purging yesterdays cocaine, lager and sweet meats.
6.30am: get up/shower/power wank ..thereby processing remaining toxins down the plug hole
6.45am: violent argument with wife
7 am: no time for breakfast , off to work!!
7.45 am: toilet, wank , capaucino
8am : work!! push papers around, stare at screen , tap pen on teeth, toilet, wank.
1oam :pretend to read 'lloyds list'
11am : 'strategy 'meeting with other 'non marine facualty specialists', , in reality alcoholics all shaking like the drunken bakers in 'viz'.
item one, agenda one , priority one ..liase to meet in drakes wine bar or the english club 11.45am
11.40am: pick up folders and with the determined look of east german sprinter marlies goher, stride purposefully to the 'market' with durans 'hungry like the wolf' ringing in your head. eager for new business....
11.42am: simply decide against the exciting new buisness venture of going to see some cunt in his 'box' head straight for 'drakes' in leadenhall market.
11.45am. meet with other 'non marine facualty specialists' to discuss covering each others arses, if it all gets on top.
12.15pm: thoughts turn to the kibble and where we take our custom today.
will it be 'wraps', 'bar bed' , the counting house, the elephant or the wine lodge.(descisions descisions!!
1pm: time to take the show on the road!!: press buzzer to gain entry into bar bed's gentlemens club upstairs behind reinforced fire door.
1.01pm: time to mingle!!. associate with 'colourful' collection of junkys, theives, bullys, cunts,pimps, whores and reinsurance brokers.
4.30pm: leave establishment ripped to the tits and £2OO Lighter, but in possession of the life giving elexier that is the kibble. scurry' golem ' like to lloyds of london for an appointment with inaminate object 'the lutine bell'
4.45pm: 'rap' with bob the pristine yeoman at the entrance , of lloyds, cunted , like a long lost brother(making a mental note to ignore him the next day, if i survive the next 24 hours)
5pm: leave bob crying/scared and go to meet broker for my 2.30pm appointment
5.o2pm: wank in bogs, really unloading a pootle of gear in a prolonged orgasm due to being on the kib all afternoon.
5.11pm.... miss my 2.30pm appointment and express my apologies. my nans dying of 'testicular cancer 'or something
5:15pm ..'lunch ' more kibble and more pints in leadenhall market. discuss exciting new opportunities within a growing market with other 'specialists'
5.45pm..return to office. pack up leave.may 'jimmy' open the petty cash box and point the finger at the african cleaners...after all 'my word is my bond'
5.55pm..in to the wine lodge , more cocaine, more pints, more disscussion on pornography
7pm..asked to leave by management, quick inventory reveals dangerously low stock levels of kib ie 1/2 a grm. reorder critical.i repeat reorder critical!!
8pm..leave the counting house restocked..phew!!!1
8.15..in the cheshire cheese, reminiscing with other 'specialists' about our brave comrades that have fallen by the wayside and now live above a pet shop in a bedsit in tooting/eltham/basildon. either estranged from their wife and children or dead.
8.15pm to 11pm : have a fucking good laugh about the above 'fallen'. cunts.
10.15pm: time for home!!!. ring estranged ex colleagues wife on train home , wired to fuck, with propositions of a sexual nature, realise you have in fact rung your sister, but continue anyway.
11pm just in time to get a top of cocaine from colourful characters in the essex arms or to ring the travelling community to pop a gram round, phew!
12.25: home time!!!, throw dinner in bin have violent argument with wife, spend a night of fitful sleep on the sette in suit, waiting to do it all again!!