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England doing their best to implode - Swann's retired.

Will they go back to the nineties pattern of having a debutant in every single test?

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Bold move from Swann done his bit, time to move on.

Part of the problem

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I suspect Swann was planning to retire after this series and has been told he's not going to play in the last two games so he's made the move now.

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Fair play to Swanny, he's been brilliant up to this series.  He's absolute shit-house and looked out of sorts in Australia - I'd imagine he just wants to get pissed up over the festive period.

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Monty in for Swann. Bairstow in for Prior. Interesting.

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Been done before though aint it? Cant be any worse than before.

Part of the problem

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Sitting up to watch the first day and we've actually started really positively.  Which is something.  Thanks to Clarke for giving us a chance to bat first!!!

Any speculation as to who Swanny WAS referring to, then, in world cricket, if not KP?!

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Clarke and Mitchell shithouse inbred FNQ cunt id say.

Part of the problem

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Warne whining about loosing his house in the divorce. Lol - leave it out Wiggy.

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Gotta love the cricket commentary though. I mean fuck me they are all a good laugh, especially Warnie, Bumble and Slater.
Not scared to take the piss in the box. The constant ribbing of Warnie and his texting, Bumbles anecdotes.
Today they had a poll for the best city in the world. Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane, Adelaide, Accrington. Doesn't sound like next level humour but it was fucking funny.

Where the fuck do you ever get any humour in the footy? The pundits,  Lineker, Redknapp, Shearer, Hansen, Neville, Carragher, Lawrenson etc etc,. Boring charisma free wanker's who are about as funny as AIDS in your Xmas pud.

Then there's the commentary - Thick  ex footballing ,London cunts with barely a grasp of the Queens. I mean fuck me they've barely got an IQ between them and thats the difference. Cricketers in general are pretty intelligent. Apart from Darren Gough that is. Well compared to your average brain injured mong in a footy shirt they are.

The bit today where they put Piers Moron infront of Brett Lee bowling at him full bore in the nets, after he said he didn't need padding to face him on twitter, was mint.
What an utter cunt Moron is. 2000 people cheering him on to lose his teeth. First ball straight in the ribs. 2nd ball a 120mph plus bouncer completely floored him. 3rd straight to the neck. 4th to the hand. 5th to the back. 6th to the elbow. Each one must have absolutely fucking wrecked. Lee was desperately trying to really hurt him which I commend him for.

Anyway carry on.

Last edited by Dermo (Thursday Dec 2013 22:10:38)

Part of the problem

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Today its reported Moron suffered a broken wrist and cracked ribs as well as severe bruising to the back of the skull LOL

Part of the problem

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Cook. I know he's a very nice bloke, but I'm beginning to think he's a bit "Tim nice but dim". People thought that about Strauss but Strauss was actually an extremely intelligent bloke who was able to stay calm, make decisions (albeit conservative) and get the best out of his players. I think Cook's mind is scrambled.

In terms of the batting, England have again got themselves into a pickle of their own devising. Carberry is a cavalier county player. He's aggressive, hits it hard and goes after bowlers. It looks like someone's been in his ear and told him to leave everything. Well guess what, do that and you don't score runs, allow pressure to build and when you eventually do start to force the pace you can't.

Root should not be batting at 3 (or opening). He simply isn't good enough, whatever anyone says. He should stay at 6 (5 in Trott's absence) and learn his game for a few years there. Bairstow is not good enough for Test cricket. Was pleasantly surprised by his keeping but he doesn't have the technique for Test cricket. Why he's getting so so many chances when Compton got such a short run is beyond me.

Bresnan is passed it with bat and ball. He's bowling 10-15mph slower than their two openers. He's gone. He also can't score a run to save life at the minute.

England to a bit of an overhaul. They need to go back to being aggressive on both sides of the ball. They need pace in the bowling regardless of how expensive it is. They need better technical players in the batting.

I'd keep Carberry in as opener but slowly blood Sam Robson. This kid is class and has now had 3 full county seasons and is scoring buckets of runs for the Lions.

I'd dump Bairstow and look at Buttler. I think he's shown for Somerset and England in T20 cricket that he's got the gonads to play top level cricket. He scores important runs. He made need this season at Lancs to hone his keeping but he then needs to come in.

I'd dump Bresnan. Good bowler, great trier, good career..."thanks very much, Tim". But we need fire power. Get Finn in, tell Saker to steer clear (all Finn's problems stems from Saker's meddling. Every time he returns to Middx for a while we get him firing again and then he goes back to England and Saker starts fannying around with his action : shorter run ups, don't hit the stumps, etc, etc.). Finn is a confidence player. Just tell the bloke to run in and bowl as fast as he can. Sod how many runs he does for. Bowl quick and take wickets. They need to back him properly and just say his place his safe, now bowl quick!

I'd keep Stokes. He seems the right sort.

Most importantly Flower needs to get the team playing aggressive, "front foot" cricket. All this "bowl dry" sh*t and this black and white "leave it or slog it" batting needs to stop.


There's Overton down at somerset , FK knows what happend to Rankin on the tour,he must have been caught felching Grahames Gooch.

With Finn,Rankin and Overton we do have genuine strike bowlers to work with.
Would be nice if the selectors could tear their fat arses away from headIngly and to a lesser extent ,Old Trafford and look at players from less fashionable counties.

Last edited by EDWARDTHECONFESSOR (Sunday Dec 2013 02:39:31)

"Walk with me through the universe, and along the way see how all of us are connected. Feast the eyes of your soul on the love that abounds, in all places seemingly endless, like your own existence........We are Connected.."

Re: The Ashes (Possible 2 pager)

As harsh as it may be I think Cook needs to give up the captaincy. The pressure has clearly affected him in the last two Ashes series.  Out of the current crop of players the only person really up to it would be Stuart Broad.  If he's deemed good enough to captain the T20 side then he's up to the job of being an international captain.  KP's done it before and made a mess of it, Prior's going to be lucky to get his place in the team back, Bell isn't captain material and Anderson's coming towards the end of the line.

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namistai wrote:

As harsh as it may be I think Cook needs to give up the captaincy.

Have you noticed the Zimbabwean accent he's been putting on in his interviews? Clearly an indicator that it's time to go.
Jimmy Anderson has to take over for 18 months or so. Broad would be KP 2.0 and nobody else is guaranteed a place in the side.

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I knew there was something different about him in his interviews .The accent.Very fucking strange.He used the word 'upskill "in his interview .Phsycobabble

looking back on my review it looks far too coherent and makes  sense in both content and comprehension so;

"I am a  Renaissance man of Jacobean Stock,
so you can suck my dirty jail bird cock"

I Still got it ,eh BF ?

Last edited by EDWARDTHECONFESSOR (Sunday Dec 2013 04:26:30)

"Walk with me through the universe, and along the way see how all of us are connected. Feast the eyes of your soul on the love that abounds, in all places seemingly endless, like your own existence........We are Connected.."

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Ed, correct me if I'm wrong but I thought it was the new no-ball rule for stump kicking that did for Finn rather than Saker's meddling per se?

Btw, BF doesn't visit the cricket threads.

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youre right it was.Knew id fuck something up in that thread.Noted re BF. a Waste of a damn good ditty!.

"Walk with me through the universe, and along the way see how all of us are connected. Feast the eyes of your soul on the love that abounds, in all places seemingly endless, like your own existence........We are Connected.."

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I wouldn't change the bowling unit too much, apart from the spinner maybe. It may look as if 'dry' bowling approach failed but really it was the batting that undermined the tactic. When you're bowled out for less than 200 you're only chance of winning the game is to have a fast or spin bowler rip through the opposition quickly.

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Look at the scores the Aussies have posted in the series and with half competent batting from us there were a series of of chances to win matches. OK we took our foot off the throat in the field on too many occasions and could have had several of their innings ~50 runs lighter, but by and large the bowlers did as much as we could generally expect them too. The batting however was just a clusterfuck of shame. A heady mix of nerves and poor decision making. All in all, a fucking shambles.

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They could have done with me out there.

Left arm quick who can move it both ways.

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Enough about your sexual preferences.

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smallman1 wrote:

They could have done with me out there.

Left arm quick who can move it both ways.


You would be far too busy wearing your egg and bacon and looking and acting like a complete twat.

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smallman1 wrote:

Left arm quick who can move it both ways.

outstanding

"I am the fucking club" - Flares 19.03.14

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All a bit academic now, but the selection of Borthwick just about sums up the tour for me.

why?, was he going to take more than 1 wicket score more than 10 runs in both innings?

If we havn't got a spinner worth selecting ,who can take wickets or tie down an end(which we havn't, dont pick one!)

Im sure the lad is going to make a decent player but just thrown to the wolves Today aka Simon Kerrigan.

Carberry retaining his place ahead of Root (who turns the ball as much as Borthwick i.e none) was just plain stupid.

Would Love to Know what has happend behind the scenes with Finn/Tremlett and Rankin.
Oh well , nearly over.

Should have picked me. An expert at exposing the ahem, "Corridor of Uncertainty"  Natch.

Last edited by EDWARDTHECONFESSOR (Friday Jan 2014 01:11:19)

"Walk with me through the universe, and along the way see how all of us are connected. Feast the eyes of your soul on the love that abounds, in all places seemingly endless, like your own existence........We are Connected.."

Re: The Ashes (Possible 2 pager)

namistai wrote:

As harsh as it may be I think Cook needs to give up the captaincy. The pressure has clearly affected him in the last two Ashes series.

Remember a bit of banter with you, comparing Cook with Dravid. Seems like a similar situation in regards to their captaincy.