Kev, I'm trying not to use the 'G' word anymore but this could be an exception.
I am currently in tears.
Bin Laden Memory of the Day
"...I remember when he grabbed my best friend, shot him in the head, and threw headless carcus in a shit heap from the sewers we've been using as a base....."
Voice of Sharia
Friday, October 12, 2001
Kabul, October 12, 2001 (Voice of Sharia) -Citing
worldwide reaction to the recent terrorist attacks,
multi-national terror network Al Qaeda announced
Friday that it would lay off 5,000 or more holy
The "holy war" concern said the move was necessary
because of an expected 20 percent fatwah reduction and
the cost and complexity of thwarting new airport and
immigration security procedures, according to a
statement broadcast on Afghanistan's Voice of Sharia
"This is, without a doubt, the most difficult thing I
have had to do in my over two decades as a terrorist,"
said Al Qaeda mastermind and chief operations officer
Osama bin Laden in a letter to employees. He added,
"Some of these people are my friends, who have been
fighting the infidel by my side since we were living
in caves in Afghanistan during the Soviet occupation.
We are still living in caves in Afghanistan, but I
believe the bottom is forming and we will see a turn
around soon, provided we can meet the challenge by
getting both leaner AND meaner."
"I have declared a state of emergency at Al Qaeda," he
said. "This declaration is an official recognition
hard as it may be to accept, our network's very
survival depends on dramatic change to our operations,
our jihad and worst of all our staffing levels."
The cuts, bin Laden said, would include both mujahadin
(holy warriors) and ulema (clerics). They will impact
Afghanistan, Pakistan and Iraq.
Some mujahadin will be notified immediately, others
won't be notified until the end of next week as they
finish attacks in progress or in late stages of
planning, according to Taliban spokesman Wakil Ahmed.
Staff cuts for suicide pilots, car bombers, petty
religious clerics and other Al Qaeda holy warriors
will be based on
seniority, Ahmed said, in a deal worked out at a
meeting between bin Laden and union officials from the
IBIJ (International Brotherhood of the Islamic Jihad).
Mujahadin and others who lose their jobs will not
receive any sort of severance package, but instead
could have their limbs severed if they protest this
necessary action according to the Al Qaeda statement.
AFGH which oversees Al Quaeda and its subsidiary
Taliban organization, is the world's largest country
with a pre- medieval culture and justice system.
The country's latest quarterly report said the
different units of the Al Qaeda/Taliban organization,
including the madrassas (schools AFGH has been running
for twenty years to turn ordinary children into
suicidal holy warriors) had a total of 30,000
employees, meaning the cut represents a 16 percent
reduction in staff.
Al Qaeda is the latest in a string of Islamic terror
network layoff announcements, pushing the total of
announced cuts in the last five days to 10,000.
Referring to massive U.S. troop movements involving
carrier groups in the Mediterranean and Arabian Sea,
worried Afghani ulemas in testimony during the
emergency sharia council in Khandahar on Thursday told
their spiritual leader Mullah Mohammed Omar that the
number is likely to cross the 20,000 threshold in the
coming days, through attrition, with none of the
expected openings slated to be refilled. OIC
(Organization of the Islamic Conference) and bin Laden
are considering spending billions on emergency aid to
the industry, distributed through a vast network of
corrupt Saudi emirs, international prostitution rings
and drug smugglers. The current exchange rate is
approximately 100,000 afghanis to the dollar.
The PLO announced Tuesday it will reduce its
workforce by 200 to 300 sleeper agents worldwide by
end of 2002 at its commercial bus bombing division and
restaurant theater operations.
Finally, a mujahad interviewed about the job cuts had
this to say, "Our leadership has once again shown that
they posses the IQ of a naan (an Afghani pancake). Why
lay off 5000 now when the US and British are about to
eliminate twice that number anyway?" Shaking his head,
he added "Loyalty is dead. Most terrorist employers
issue a pink slip the moment they figure they don't
need someone for the next few weeks. That demonstrates
the employer's loyalty. When they can't hire a needed
skill in time, they outsource it, or heap the load on
the survivors. That pretty well sums up modern jihad
practices: reactionary, cheap, callous, short term
and, ultimately ruinous. Any mujahad loyal to that is
an idiot, like me."
Shalibadd Bhathtub (DJ Mullah) Click here to send a contact email
Great to see there's still so much love and tenderness between my brothers.
Well, I am now living in a Penthouse in Jalalabad and you won't be surprised to
hear that my creative talents are now coming in handy, I am the resident DJ at
Ritzy's, its the top club on the Jalalabad Strip. I can really tear up the dancefloor
with my special blend of tunes.
Hey! talking of dancing, who remembers the night Ossie was ripped to his tits on
speed and was stacking boxes with the best of them during the Mud Hut Hardcore
Weekender? - I've never seen anyone move like that, he was going like Allah possessed!
So come down to my manor, I'm down there most Thursday, Fridays and Saturdays!
Mixing an' a Blending the latest top melodies, including ones from the So Squalid Crew,
The Firing Squad, Miss Al-Dynamite, the Sheite Bros and Jahah Rhule.
Give us a shout and I'll get you all on the VIP list!!
Why isnt Wackaday on telly anymore? GandipAl-Maninumanamun (21/02/2002 13:25:35)
that has kept this whole office amused all afternoon, absolute quality.
Osama Bed Linin..... :laugh
This guy was nuts!
He claimed he was Lord Lucan!